jessie's messy blog

today's blog is about love. it hurts a lot.  its hard. have you ever been so sure of something for so long, and then you start to question yourself? i'm struggling right now. how do you know if something is the right decision? what if you make the wrong decision and you're stuck with the consequences for the rest of your life? how do you know if you love someone? how do you know if you still love someone? i guess i know the answer, but its hard to come to terms with it. i wish someone could just answer my questions for me, it would make everything a lot easier. i truly thought my love went away. but if it did, and its back, that's scary. that means i cant trust myself of my feelings, or (even worse) if it never went away and i just convinced myself it did, what does that mean? so i actually love them if i convinced myself that i didn't? how do i know if its real? how can i be sure to make the right decision? oh god. i think i'm going crazy. and the worst part i...

today's blog is about identity crises in fashion. that may sound a little dramatic but honestly i think every teenage girl goes through them. in middle school i think most girls just try to fit in and wear what everyone else is wearing. its weird, i have a very visceral memory of the first time i wanted something, simply because all my popular friends had them. white slip on vans. damn daniel ass sixth grader. ever since then i've dressed how i thought other people wanted me to, or what was popular at the time. i have kind of fallen into a half me/half what everyone is wearing pattern. i wont just to buy something because everyone has something (even if i don't like it) but i do base what i wear on what other people will find nice-looking. i enjoy contemporary fashion trends for the most part, and right i'm really into early 2000s stuff. not like trashy kesha, but more like bella swan in 2008 (shocker). im actually in love with babydoll tops right now, and unfortunatel...

today's blog is about the library. i LOVE the library. when i was little my mom would take me all of the time to our local library. she is a huge reader and it really impacted me as a kid. there were also these activities that they would have for little kids, lots of crafts and stuff. i have many memories of going there and making lots of fun stuff. im privileged enough to say that i have lived in the same town my whole life. so the library i went to as a kid is still my local library. for a really long time i actually really disliked the library. it became a chore to go to the library, and i got a phone when i turned 8 (i do NOT recommend), so i would rather play on that than read a book. of course i still read at school, but reading became somewhat tedious for me.  on fourth of july in 2023, i broke two of my toes, so i was couch-ridden for a few weeks after that. i had just started to get into twilight and i decided to read midnight sun while i had nothing else to do. i fell eve...

today's blog is about being alone. last semester i took an oral communication class where we had to present a persuasive speech to convince our class of something. i wrote a speech on "why you should do things by yourself". in hindsight it was a really good speech - i discussed the benefits of doing things independently, how it can boost your self-confidence, blah blah blah. but i think i simplified it much more than it actually is.  today marks the first day that my "person", for lack of a better word, now lives in a different state. he was only here for part of the summer, and now lives with his family elsewhere. i don't think i really processed how difficult this change would actually be. i don't really spend time with any other friends as regularly as i saw him, so basically i am set up to spend the rest of the summer, being alone. my mom house-sits and my sister moved out, so it really is just me and my cat for a majority of the time.  i think being...

 hello! wow this is my first ever post. this blog will definitely just be a brain dump of everything and anything going on in my head. you can probably expect a lot of twilight shitposting.... i should probably take this time to introduce myself. my name is jessie but some people call me jess. i am a 19 year old college student. i enjoy hiking, reading, drawing, thrifting, and spending time with my friends.  i absolutely adore the twilight saga and am currently trying to achieve the bella swan aesthetic. i have read every twilight book from cover to cover, including midnight sun, the short second life of bree tanner, life and death, and even the official illustrated guide. i will also probably discuss fashion, music, and general teenage girl stuff.  if you've made it this far, thanks for reading! sincerely,  jess